Discovering Tantra Later In Life
I’d always been interested in spiritual things. I’d never really known where to look, but it was always on the edge of my mind, a thing I felt I wanted to look at some day and find out about. As a teenager, I’d been entranced by the idea of an after-life. I’d read books and books about astrology, and signs, and ghosts, and ‘metaphysics’ - none of which I can really remember any more. A never ending itch I couldn’t scratch and didn’t know how to even if I could locate it.
None of my friends were into this kind of thing, certainly not at secondary school at least. And once I went to university, in between all the learning and all of the fun, i did come across the odd person who was vaguely connected to it - like the woman who used to read my tarot cards and so forth. But again, nothing ever stuck.
And when I embarked on my now ex-marriage, my wife at the time wasn’t interested in anything at all to do with spirituality or ‘religion’ in any way shape or form. A confirmed atheist, she was completely against any idea of it. So that was never something we were going to investigate together, so after many years, I suppose I just forgot about it and focused on other things. Seemingly more important things.
And then things changed. As they do for many people, and we found ourselves drifting apart in so many ways. And in those moment of contemplation, when one is considering what on earth one is going to do in the future, my interest began to get reignited. And I remember specifically when that was.
We were at an up-market ‘families’ hotel - horrendous now I think about it - all full of middle-class clones - myself at the time included - enjoying the fruits of their labour in the company of so many PLUs. We were in the spa waiting room, in prep for massages,, and I came across a magazine about yoga. I’d never thought about yoga before. That was for skinny women in lycra wasn’t it? But the magazine had an article about yoga for men and I decided, right there and then, I was going to do it. This came with much derision, as was only to be expected really, but true to my word, one week after returning home, I found a local yogi where I lived and signed up for an initial six weeks course of basic hatha yoga.
And BANG! My mind was truly opened. Not only did I enjoy the yoga - and I really did - but my instructor had learnt her trade in india. She told me about her time there, living in a yoga community and learning about the way it affects not just the body - which is what I was mostly interested in as back then I was carrying about 4 stone more than I wanted to! - but also the spirit. And over time, she introduced me and the other beginners to meditation, mostly in the form of yoga nidra, but not only that. I experienced for the first time really leaving my body (to where I do not know!) and being brought back into it with a massive jolt when she rang the little tiny cymbals she used to wake us all up.
That was four years ago. And whilst my weekly yoga sessions have slipped to the side line (I keep meaning to take it back up!) my interest in spirituality has not weakened. What has also happened in that time is we both realised the relationship was over, and we separated on a solid path to a no-fault divorce. I do not blame this on yoga. Well, not much.
Since then, I’ve investigated many things and I’m so much happier, realising what it is I want out of life. I’ve realised ‘who I am’. And I must be honest here, I am a complete noob in relation to all of this, so by no means am I to even be considered by you as an expert. I am just imparting my experience to date and the little knowledge that I have. But yes, I’ve started to look into more and more things.
Some might say, I’ve started my journey. I’ve begun along my path.
At the age of 44.
A lot of people do this a LOT younger. When they’re free, and single, and able to live life to the full, in all ways and however they want. I didn’t choose that path. I shut it away. Thinking that other things were more important. But they really were not. And now, in my mid-40’s, I’ve started to find out so many new and wonderful things.
I discovered sides to myself I didn’t know existed. I may have had my thoughts, but I never acted on them for continual fear of ridicule and negative reactions. But they were there, and I’ve come to realise they’re wonderful. I’ll see if I get the courage to speak on them in future posts.
And in recent months, since the beginning of 2018 really, (so yes, very new) I am lucky, and blessed (I use that word with a hint of sarcasm) to have met a wonderful loving, beautiful and fabulous tantric woman who has truly, in all meanings of the phrase, opened my mind.
Tantra was something I had heard of, and found intriguing, but never experience, or even known how to experience. I never did the ‘travelling’ thing after college. Never went to india (but god do I want to go!) and never explored myself in ashrams etc. And yes, all I knew about tantric sex was the old cliche that it was something Sting did (aside from write terrible songs).
So when I first came across this woman, now my girlfriend, on date number one, and she began talking about tantra, I was a bit scared, a bit fascinated, and, yes, probably a bit turned on. She promised me things, if we were to have more than one date, that no woman had ever said to me before - and you know what? She wasn’t lying! Lucky me.
To fully describe my experience with tantra to date is going to take way more than one, already too long, blog post. It’s going to take lots and lots. So I won’t try just now. But what I do want to say, and what I hope will make you read my other posts as and when they come, is that this has truly changed my life.
I don’t want to do stupid clickbait posts like ‘top 10 tantric sex tips for beginners’ or anything crap like that. We aren’t here to do that. We’re here to be honest. My partner is way more experienced than I am in tantra and spirituality. I am a complete novice. But that doesn't matter to me or to her. What I know, is that I’m still learning. I’m still VERY keen to learn. And it’s a wonderful thing which brings joy to us in so many ways.
I’ll leave it there for now. I need more time to think, more time to plan these posts, and work out how and what I actually want to say.
But I’ll leave you with this. If you’re ever on a date with a woman, and she promises that if you listen to her, and go with the flow she’ll “make you come like a girl” - you best go with that flow.
Because she isn’t lying.